Khloé Kardashian is opening up about a painful memory involving her ex-husband Lamar Odom, describing the moment he destroyed years of her personal journals as a “traumatic” experience.
On Wednesday’s episode of her “Khloé In Wonderland” podcast, the 41-year-old “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” alum reflected on the devastating incident, recalling how the former NBA player burned her diaries in front of her.
Kardashian explained that journaling was once something she loved deeply, describing it as a place where she recorded everything happening in her life.
“I loved it and everything was in these journals,” she said. “And I remembered my ex-husband was going through it.”
Odom, who publicly struggled with substance abuse during their marriage, was allegedly experiencing a difficult period emotionally. Kardashian said he became extremely paranoid after discovering her diaries.
“He was incredibly paranoid and found these journals that he knew I did all the time and was reading them and just was convinced that I was like, taking notes and sending them to the government or something crazy,” she said.
According to Kardashian, Odom took the journals and threw them into a fire while she watched helplessly.
“I remember sobbing, tears streaming down my face,” she recalled. “I could remember me on my knees, screaming, like it was years of my life in these journals, and they meant so much to me.”
The traumatic episode left a lasting imprint on her, leading her to never journal again.
“Because I just felt like, wow, that was taken away in a f–king blink, and what was the point?”
Despite no longer writing, Kardashian acknowledged that journaling can be an “incredibly therapeutic process” and wishes she still had those books.
“I wish I had those books just to see like, what were my thoughts then. That’s the special part of journaling — you look back, I don’t know, five years, 10 years, two years, and you’re like, ‘Wow, I was such an idiot. What was I writing about?’ Or, ‘I can’t believe that mattered to me the way it did then.’”
She added that journal reflection is valuable for growth:
“That’s what’s so special about journaling, is seeing your emotional state and how far you came or if you need something to reflect on or maybe inspire. It’s such a beautiful process to do, and so I do hate that I don’t do it anymore.”
Kardashian said fear prevents her from starting again:
“It was years of my life in these journals, and they meant so much to me,” she explained. “I’m not going to start a journal again and have someone destroy it, or I lose it. It’s more, I’m going to say traumatic for me, but I just don’t even want to open that up again.”
Instead, she now views the loss as a lesson in impermanence.
“I think it just made me [realize] … you don’t get to really keep anything in this world, and it’s, maybe that’s OK,” she said. “I used to hold onto all these things, and sometimes I will write something, but then just throw it away. I don’t try to replace what I once had.”
Kardashian and Odom, now 46, met in 2009 and were married within a month of knowing each other. Their marriage was documented in the two-season E! reality series “Khloé & Lamar.” The relationship deteriorated due to Odom’s infidelity and drug struggles. Kardashian filed for divorce in 2013.
Their split was placed on hold after Odom’s near-fatal overdose in 2015, during which Kardashian stayed by his side throughout his recovery. The pair officially finalized their divorce in 2016.
Source: Page Six